sherlock: mummy now you have to start calling me sherlock because it makes me sound 10 times more dramatic
mummy: *sighs deeply* i knew this day was going to come *stripes through this event on her ‘dramatic things william will decide to do one day’ list*
i am literally the only person in my history class who has been turning in work consistently all year and i just got an email from my professor saying that if i’m not feeling up to it i dont have to bother writing the 18 page final paper he assigned i just have to not tell anybody god is real
For a while i thought you meant that you had to not tell people that god was real.
This is why punctuation was created
Oh good thanks body we already bleed out of our vaginas once a month but yeah let’s cut men a break
thanks a heap, biology
has anyone done this?
I HAVE BEEN LAUGHING FOR 700 YEARS
"Will, come over I’m lonely."
"Hannibal I can’t, I’m busy."
"I have puppies."
except FUCK YOU WOMEN CAN WEAR PANTS IF THEY WANT
*You can substitute pants (at the same level of formality/casualness) in any of these situations.
But this is real good for reference.
before tumblr i spent the same amount of time on the computer but i seriously cannot recall what i did
the worst is when you’re reading a really good book that follows multiple characters’ stories and you love it 90% of the time until it periodically switches back to that one character’s story that you just could not care less about and it’s like an entire chapter of internal groaning while waiting for the plot to switch back to a character you actually care about
HOLY SHIT. MY NEIGHBOUR IS SCREAMING AT HER BOYFRIEND.
Yeah, the two that keep me up at odd hours of the night.AND I’M ONLY PICKING UP BITS AND PIECES BECAUSE HE’S NOT SHOUTING BUT I’M FAIRLY POSITIVE HE JUST TOLD HER HE’S GAY AND THAT HE’S BEEN CHEATING ON HER WITH HIS BOYFRIEND.
UPDATE. UPDATE. HE’S CHEATING ON HER WITH HER BROTHER.
SON OF A BITCH IT’S LIKE A BAD SOAP OPERA EPISODE.